fake reality

7:00AM Lodwar Wed 2.9.09

I'm swinging in the hammock to the sounds of distant birds chirping, kids speaking Turkana and watching the sun come up. Last night I thought the evening in Lodwar was the most impressive site I'd seen but then I wake up and find that the morning has its own unique glory to it. The sky blends with the trees and all seem as if its been freshly painted a hazy deep blue.

The stories I heard while in Soweto yesterday were tear inducing. Most of the stories centered on how the kids came to be orphans and the women who saved them. These women who had come to God through the Pentecostal church felt a responsibility to follow Joshua's plan and start rebuilding the town of Lodwar one child at a time. Each women has one to 4 foster kids, some with almost 10; while having at least one biological child already at home. One of the ladies who was interviewed by our team is sick with AIDS and has two kids of her own and a foster kid to take care of; I'm anxiously awaiting the completion of the interview.

Moses, during lunch yesterday, was describing a funny story to us about what his parents would do when they weren't able to provide food for the day. They would tell the kids who were hungry that if they kept playing outside they would slaughter a goat for dinner and they would get to eat its right leg. Moses said they found out this is what they'd tell them to keep them going during the day but they would know no food would be coming that night. Sometimes they would get one meal a day - this is the norm in Lodwar. That one meal would always be dinner. They would play all day and then get to eat a meal before bed because its hard to sleep on an empty stomach. The way he tells us this is in a joking manner, laughing as if it is a funny story he's making up. For a second we laugh along with him, his smile is infectious, until the realization finally dawns on us of what he's saying. Your stomach tightens up and its hard to swallow as the tears threaten to stream down your face. All the while he's saying this you reprimand yourself for being hungry for lunch that day after having a large breakfast that morning. You scream at yourself for feeling tired, for your body betraying you by the growling in your stomach. The body that is used to the comforts of your world and has no idea how it would feel if you only got a glass of water at night because there wasn't enough to drink when you were thirsty all day. Their bodies have become accustomed to not drinking water.

The children interupt his story by chanting my name to come out and play with the football we brought them. They love to chase me and have me chase them. They have so much energy to play in the scorching sun that I try to keep up but I'm burning up. There has been a large transition from the beginning of our time in Soweto to the end... where we began timidly shaking a hand here and there and smiling out of nervousness to holding a child to my chest as I play "airplane" with her and all the kids grab at my legs. Its the difference between meeting someone for the first time and saying goodbye to a loved one.

street wise

It was extremely difficult to come up with a way to describe how today felt when we were all recapping the events over dinner.

We drove past the street kids today, a group of homeless children who live around Lodwar, on our way to the church to meet the Unembraced kids. It felt oddly discomforting that we were driving past homeless children this morning without giving anything when we were going to spend a day with the kids who were "lucky" to have been taken out of their homeless environment. Aaron was able to step out and film after Pastor Joshua explained to them it was for a documentary involving the church and we wouldn't be making any money from them. Otherwise they would be expecting us to pay them for their "likeness". This chance meeting for Aaron helped give him a new visual for how he wanted to capture information for the documentary, and ended up scoring more interviews with these kids. They wore ragged clothing on their extremely dirty bodies and ate what they could get out of an empty bean can from the pile of trash freshly dumped. The city people will dump wheelbarrows full onto the side of the road and the kids will wait around to dig through it. There was a leader of the group who told them what to do and when to do it. These "leaders" are necessary protection for some of them, a way out of getting beat up by other street kids. The children, Moses told us, came to live here because of tribal fighting, AIDS, , famine and desertion by their parents. They come and have no relatives so they try to survive as best as they can. The old ladies have a hard time as well because if they are widows they were left with nothing to survive. In the modern era of the Turkana culture the women are responsible for practically everything do with the survival of the family: cooking, caring for the kids, running the house, and bringing in the income... and yet they have no power over the finances or their place in the world. The Pentecostal influence here has at least done something in the way of fixing this problem: the hold a men's retreat every Saturday and one of the topics of the retreat is to understand the fault in this way of thinking.

I still can't explain how my day in Soweto affected me. Maybe tomorrow.

Camels

6:50am Lodwar, Tues 1.9.09

We heard a camel in the night that we didn't recognize at first. It sounded hurt so we checked it out and it was all bound up... at the time we couldn't figure out why.

Slept well last night, tucked into my net covering the bed with the fan blowing on me to relieve me from the heat. No mosquitos and no spiders showing up yet so that's good, and woke up to a warm shower so my expectations so far are being exceeded. The water tank sits in the sun all day long so it stays warm throughout the night. The women who run this facility are all so pleasant and welcoming. Helen, one of the women who work the front desk, is from Kisumo, the village where Obama's dad is from. She's gone now, on vacation so we said our goodbyes and I'm taking her well wishes and love back to everyone in the US. It's a quiet and calm morning full of distant bird chiros and baby cries. The trees are the exact replica of every National Geographic picture I have ever seen of Africa. They have this windswept effect that makes me think of brushed watercolor paintings done by the guy on PBS.

We're heading to visit the orphans and their families today, bringing with us toys, necklaces and pictures for them. It will be another long day and I pray and hope for energy and excitement to fill me from start to finish. Thank you Lord for this gift of Africa.

Went to leave for the day and found out the camel was slaughtered.

We're here!!

8:oo-ish (PM) Lodwar. Monday 31.9.09

Words can't get close to describing what it felt like to land in Lodwar and be greeted by all the pastors of the surrounding churches. Some walked as far as 30 km to meet us at the landing strip. Its hot and dry here but not too much hotter than LA at its worst. The roads are rough and ragged and in some places very narrow which makes the ride in the back of the SUV awesome!

We're taken to our place of stay by Joshua and Moses, our two friends through JR. Their energy is overwhelming and they carry their joy with them all day long. The reception that was awaiting us was so surprising it made my eyes well up.

We dropped our things off in our rooms and settled in for a bit before having orientation at the outdoor conference hall. The place we're staying is far nicer than any of us anticipated - it was a nice surprise. Each has their own bed with mosquito nets and the cottages have a private bath with showers. I'm definitely being challenged by my squirminess of bugs in Africa as they're everywhere, there's no escape. Deep breaths.

We were given a tour of the town by Joshua, Moses, and Charles (who has appointed himself as my personal interpretor). A lot of the people only speak Turkana which makes what little I've learned in Swahili completely useless. We saw the main downtown area of Lodwar, which is in no way related to any places referred to as "downtown" in the States. As we toured we learned about the corruption with the police and the government with small businesses, and the effects of the heavy drought they are experiencing. They also explained to us that not only is this drought affecting the region but a dam was recently built to help irrigation in towns to the North which has decreased the water flow in to Lodwar. I can see the obvious unfairness with this situation and it infuriates me.

on our way

Sometime before 6AM Nairobi:

My friend woke up this morning at 4:45 determined to get in a run before we left. We woke the house up trying to get out because of all the security locks, which I feel was a poor way to start the day. When she returned she admitted how scared she was. She's a tough girl and has a pretty good sense of safety ... but this morning, on the route along Solanga Road, in Nairboi Kenya, she maybe pushed it too far. Running along in the pitch black in Africa created a need inside of her to search for worship songs to keep the thoughts, that freaked her out, at bay. It's so easy to revert to horror stories when you're already a bit terrified. When I'm alone in the dark I have recently found myself imagining the worst possible scenarios and I have to pray or sing to get my mind of those thoughts. I feel so bad that she was scared but it was probably a healthy dose of fear. We often times can be too careless with our lives because we live in a bubble that mythically protects us... Its good to question that bubble, to force ourselves to see the reality of the dangers around us. We don't need to block ourselves in to try and hide from the dangers, the opposite occurs I think... we begin to be more open to new surroundings when we give ourselves the opportunity and freedom to be scared. We admit to the fear and then we move forward. Its possible I might have read too much into her experience but it got me contemplating my own insecurities.

This morning we leave for Lodwar. A place repeatedly descreibed as extremely dry, dusty, and very very hot. One man went as far as warning us that they'll kill us for our water. We laughed at that notion, but a part of me laughed out of nervousness that there might be a bit of truth there. JR describes the people as comforting, as we are entering a small town where everyone knows each other and already knows who we are. I hope and pray for a calm and strong soul that is game for anything which might be thrown my way. I'm trying to clear my mind of any preconcieved notions, owning up to the fact that I'm completely ignorant to how these people live their lives and who they really are. I couldn't have gone with a better group for this journey though and I pray for our safe keeping.

It seems I'm praying alot.

Carnivore

10:15 Nairobi Sunday Night

This day was both very long and extremely enjoyable. We walked from our hostel to the bus stop guided by Martin who gave us a long lesson on the education system in Kenya. Interestingly enough it seems quite similar to some of our problems and issues in the US. The lack of public funds hinders the good level of teaching that could be given to the children who can't afford private schools. In addition, the issues stemming from focusing on test taking rather than rentention of information seems to cross over our cultural barriers. The major distinction obviously between the US and Kenya, besides the immense difference in public funds, is that the parents in the outskirts/interior of the country still don't view education as important as caring for the farm/animals.

The bus dropped us off downtown Nairobi and we walked up to the city market and got our first, and quite intensive, taste of bargaining for merchandise. The men standing around the entrance try and herd you into a tight corner of the market, surround you by middlemen, and then guilt you into buying everything they are selling, by telling us that yesterday was a very bad business day for them. If you slow down for a second you're screwed.

I walk away from the market fairly unscathed, having broken down and purchased a necklace, Masaai sandals and a traditional cloth. We were unexpectadly aided by a wonderful Kenyan woman named Charity who took us around and told us what everything was really worth, so we didn't spend too much. Charity's sister Faith turned out to be a Godsend as well. We all got split up without having JR's phone number and we ran into her out of nowhere in the middle of hundreds of people in downtown Nairobi later that day... as we're telling her that we can't find two of our people she reminds us she has JR's number in her phone!

We tried to go to the National park but $50 on a crowded bus was not appealing so we sat and had samosas and decided to walk down the street to the Bomas of Kenya. It turned out to be a farther walk than we expected in the sweltering heat, and Marie was limping due to her bruised foot so when we relaized it would still be a considerable distance we hopped/smashed/squished into what I like to refer to as a "Disco Van" - bumping down the stree with load music blaring through its open windows. A great adventure and another chance to hone my bargaining skilss, and the power of saying no. We got a small taxi to take us the rest of the way and found ourselves in an ampitheater filled with locals and tourists watching traditional tribal dances, along with some amazing displays of acrobatics. Rachel and I jumped up and included ourselves in the final dance then caught up with the rest of the group to explore traditional bush homes - which included various arrays of adobe style huts. Obama's tribe, the Luao, were represented here. We finished our day by meeting up with our other two friends at Carnivore, a BBQ restaurant, a highly toursty environment but so worth the experience. Fresh carved exotic meats and Kenyan tea with great dessert - all you can eat!! As dinner died down we had a group discussion of fears, hopes and wishes for the coming week. With the larger financial obligations organized back at the hostel I'm now ready for bed and the start of a very early morning - and what looks like to be a very long day. But we'll finally be in Lodwar so I'm grateful:)

Good Morning Kenya

8:00AM First morning in Kenya

Waking up this morning wasn't difficult as I wasn't ever really asleep I think. I put my running shoes on, asked where it was safe to run, chose to not go too far because I'm a little timid in Nairobi still and headed out on a morning jog. It was wonderful. I was able to see and hear birds I've never viewed before while running on the dirt road, passing various townspeople heading out for their days. The place we're staying is situated on the outer lines of the Kenya National Park, where we plan to visit today. Surrounded by trees, local plants and big houses I'm still not feeling as if I'm in Africa. I feel like we're still in this sheltered area away from the realities of Kenya and its people.

I've met some of the workers here this morning: Sammy who runs the security gate and wanted to race me, James who helps cook and likes to show me his mp3 music and Dorothy who helps with everything else. They all are so welcoming and willing to give me a few Swahili lessons. 1) Habari Ya Asabuhi = Good Morning 2) Msaada = help ( this one is very handy).

James calls me Jessica Simpson and I try hard to understand his accent as he asks me if Schwarzenegger is still our governor. Its amazing what they know about our politics and celebrtiy life and I still have no clue who the Kenyan president is. This will have to change. But right now its a lovely morning and I look forward to our adventure on the public bus as we head to the town center.

Nighttime in Nairobi

Midnight, Bush House and Camp, Nairobi

I'm admitting to a little bit of anxiety, anger, frustration and fear since arriving in Nairobi. Leaving the airport we were faced with the first sign that we'll need to be smarter and a bit more aware of the locals- men came up and forced our luggage out of our hands while offering their assistance and then requested tips ... this is how they work at the airport. It would have been alright had I been expecting it but we didn't exchange our bills to smaller ones yet because the exchange rate was bad at the airport. We found out quickly that there is not a common tip percentage either, you tip what you want for whatever somebody does for you, so without knowing what is customary you can easily give way too much to one person and way too little to another. The driver of our hotel van shooed them away and off we went, feeling a bit guilt-ridden for not preparing ourselves better.

We're here now in our hostel with comfortable beds, good security, breakfast in the morning, and an entire day of sightseeing... and yet I'm finding it very hard to relax. I ask God to work in my heart and my mind to keep my anxiety down. I think having little control over the situation and sharing space with so many others who are just as out of sorts as I am is making it hard to feel comfortable. I'm so worried about asking or saying the wrong thing so I'm finding it difficult to converse with the locals. But it's going to be better tomorrow after a good nights sleep and the start of a new day... I'm in Kenya!!

frustration and lack of sleep

8:00 am in London Airport

First chance to be buddhist about the stress of traveling and I fail. Group traveling presents the need for corporation and melding of temperaments that sometimes I am not gifted with. One of my goals for this trip is to be open, willing and able to go with the flow, so I am wishing and praying to use this first failed attempt as a learning device. I need to take a breath and let everything just pass by without getting uptight.

1:20am London/4:38 Nairobi

I sit eating a pleasurable airplane meal of Indain curry chicken, drinking a Chilean bottle of Sauvignon Blanc (complimentary of Kenya Airways), watching the vast sparse desert land of Africa's coastline stretching out before me and the last remnants of the torquoise blue Mediterranean slip from view out of my individual window... life is beautiful and comfortable in this pre-Lodwar travel bubble I'm still in. Really anxious to get into the meat of my trip.

Still flying... will it ever end?

8:oopm En route to London

I love the feeling of nightime flying, especially over the water. Its both frightening and magical to me. The pitch black I view out the small airplane window sends shivers down my spine, which I contribute to the excitement over having no control. My imagination works as a stimulous for accomplishing my goals and yet it also is the main reason I get lazy and complacent about my life because it is easy to fall into daydreaming, or get wrapped up in a good book series that keeps me from living my life. I find that this flight is a great example of the latter. As much as I want to read up and study about how to be more equipped for this trip I continually get sucked up in an airline movie playing in front of me or staring out the window into a dark abyss, and letting my mind wander.

I'm yearning to get off this plane, stretch my legs and get out and do what I'm heading to Afrca to accomplish. I feel as if I'm still stuck back in a place where I don't know what's happening, what's to come. Clearly I should want to spend every waking moment getting ready for landing in Lodwar, so I can't figure out why this mental roadblock is still here- why I feel this resistence to educating myself on third-world mission trips, living with the poor or any of the other 5 or so books on these topics I have with me. Fear seems to be the most fitting answer. For me, my imagination runs rampant when I am fearing something - it forces my mind to want to run away from reality and escape to fiction.

Sometime during the neverending flight:

The advancements of our race sometimes catches me by surprise... for example, I'm sitting wrapped up in a comfy blanket, sipping wine while I'm flying 3400 feet up in the air and it's -56 degrees outside - all the while I'm watching our flight status on a mini-tv screen in front of me listening to Lady Gaga on an airline radio station. Weird.

Psalm 62.1-4

My soul finds rest in God alone.

my salvation comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;

He is my fortress, I will never be

shaken.

How long will you assault a man?

would all of you throw him down -

this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

They fully intend to topple him

from his lofty place;

They take delight in lies.

With their mouths they bless,

But in their hearts they curse.

(one of the passages that caught my attention while I was searching for material to speak about at church on Sunday)

7:00AM London Time

The possibility of taking a bump on the way back home and exploring London gets me excited for the morning ahead. 10 minutes to landing in the UK!!

flying overseas

Sometime on the flight to London:

I'm sitting here on the flight heading to a place across the world I've never been, to help people I've never met make a better life for themselves and their families. All the while I'm reflecting on the fact that I live in a city that has hundreds of dysfunctional, unhealthy, and broken people roaming its streets every night in need of better lives. I'm practically neighbors with souls I could be providing for, yet I fly thousands of miles and spend thousands of dollars to help the town of Lodwar, Kenya. It just strikes me as odd. I ponder this troublesome truth while watching The Soloist on our flight to Lodwar. It has the desired effect on its audience, as I'm crying and wishing I wasn't so complacent at home. It stirs questions that I should ask myself everyday:

What relationships am I building with people outside of my comfort zone?
What am I doing to create a chance of growth in another human being? In myself?
Will this trip ignite a flame inside of my safe existence that forces me to change the way I cohabit with the people who surround my everyday life?

Excitement over the unknown

Phil 4.13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
-This passage was sent to me before I left by the mom of my best friend. I had wrote an email to all my friends and family members about my fears of my upcoming trip to Kenya and I received some great inspirational words back, this passage being my favorite. I took this thought with me through my journey and felt it helped me move along some tough terrain, so thank you Ang.

Day 1:

8:00am August 28th. On our way to LAX.

We decided to travel by public transportation from Mike's house in East Hollywood to the airport. It feels as if it is the perfect beginning to a completely uncontrollable adventure. Mike had spoken about his nerves this morning, which both comforted me to hear someone else express their reservations and it also made me realize that I really do appreciate the adventure part of this trip. It feels like little electric nodes all over my body are generating energy when I'm beginning a trip I've been anticipating.

12:15pm

Trying desperately to retain a few necessary phrases in Swahili that I was given to study
Ex: My hovercraft is full of eels = Ndege langu limejaa mikunga
(you'd be surprised to find out just how un-useful this one was in a land with no water, however the phrase "I have diarrhea" was unbelievably necessary: Nina hara)